Painful Jealousy
by kipler
Summary: Lily, I know it hurts you, what she says, so please promise me one thing. Don't just sit there and take it. Remember, she's just irrationally jealous. She doesn't know anything about your life, and she's as green as your eyes. So here's my plan for you. If she wants to be jealous, give her a reason to be.


**A/N: Hey everyone! I've had the idea for this story for a while. I've tried many ways to write it, but I think I finally found the right one. It's amazing how once I right the first line, I know if it's going to be good or not, and after that it all just flows out and I'm done in a few days.**

**So, a brief summary of this story because the one on the outside isn't good enough. Lily is home for Christmas after her first term of her first year at Hogwarts. She's loving it, but Petunia is as jealous as ever. Lily gets a letter from her best friend Hestia, telling her to stand up for herself. She says Petunia's jealous without even knowing anything about her life. She says Lily should tell her about it, and then if she's still jealous after it's her problem. Feeling empowered, Lily thinks what better time to tell Petunia about her life than when her friends are there, and she can't escape. There's a confrontation, Lily talks a lot (which is just me being self-indulgent) and as always with these two, it doesn't exactly end well.**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy this. It's a bit of a quicky, but I like it, so I think you will too. Happy first day of summer!**

Lily Evans looked up from the potions book she was reading as the doorbell rang for the fourth time. It seemed that a doorbell was one of those things that became significantly more annoying when it was used incessantly while one was trying to get through the most boring chapter yet in a horribly boring book. Glancing over, she eyed the copy of Transfiguration Today lying on her carpet. Her best friend Hestia's father was featured in one of the articles, and she was dying to read it.

The doorbell rang one more time, and being sure to fold over the corner of the page she was on first, Lily slammed her potions book shut. Screw Professor Slughorn. She had been reading that book for almost three hours, and still wasn't done. She exchanged her book for the much better magazine, and began to slowly leaf through it, searching for a certain Maximus Jones whom she had only met through his letters. They had a little correspondence going through Hestia. _'Lily says Hi!' 'Dad says Hi back!' _

Somehow though, she still could not concentrate. Now, instead of the doorbell ringing constantly, a never ending stream of chatter and high pitched giggles made its way up the stairs. As badly as Lily wanted to read about Mr. Jones's latest discoveries in experimental magic, she simply could not even hear herself think, let alone read. She shut the magazine and gritted her teeth in frustration. If she couldn't read this, she definitely would not be able to do any homework. The teachers hadn't even been supposed to give homework over the break, but they all found a way around it. Professor Slughorn had only given reading, McGonagall had assigned an essay due a few days after school restarted, and even old Binns had told them they would need to know something about some famous Goblin when they got back, but it had been the last class on the last day of term, and even Lily hadn't been paying much attention. Only Professor Flitwick, with a smirk and a twinkle in his eye, had told them to have a nice, homework free, holiday.

It was then that Lily's owl, Cassiopeia, arrived at the window, with impeccable timing as always, carrying a letter from Lily's amazing, black haired, gray eyed, witty, aggressive, rude, hilarious, amazing best friend Hestia. That letter was one thing Lily was certain she could read anywhere in any situation. With much anticipation, she untied the letter and began to read.

_LILY! _

_Every day without you is a wasted day. I miss you so much it hurts. I know it's just two weeks, but after living with you and the girls for all those months, it's just so lonely to be stuck here with just family. My parents want to know every single detail of my life, Hugh is so excited to start school in a few years that he won't stop asking questions, and Hunter is mad that he's not the only one given special treatment over the break because our parents don't see him all year. He's always locked up in his room, being too cool for us, and when he does come down, he tries to amaze us all with things he did that I haven't done yet. He's just jealous. Anyway, it's not just you. I'm counting down too. Everyone at Hogwarts does, I bet. We're probably the only school in the world that counts down for holidays to be over. That really says something about how amazing Hogwarts is. Really, if peoples families didn't want them home, everyone would stay over the break. I know I would. You though, you would probably feel al guilty and go home anyway, to more abuse from your sister. Not to bring up this sore subject again, but you know if I was there, I would march right up to her and put Petunia in her place. You would never do that of course. You're already half way to sainthood. Lily, I know it hurts you, what she says, so please promise me one thing. Don't just sit there and take it. Remember, she's just irrationally jealous. She doesn't know anything about your life, and she's as green as your eyes. So here's my plan for you. If she wants to be jealous, give her a reason to be. You might find that a bit mean, but she's ten times worse to you. I can't always be there to stand up for you. Stand up for yourself! Of course, only 13 more days until I _can _be there! Can't wait! _

_ Hestie your Bestie! _

Hestia always had a unique talent for making Lily smile. Her perspective on her family was just hilarious, and her knowledge of Petunia was more accurate than Lily had ever told her. Her huge smirk began to fade a bit at the thought of her sister. The chatter from downstairs invaded her brain and made it hard to think, but still, she pondered Hestia's advice. She was right, Petunia was jealous without knowing a single thing about how Lily's life really was. She could not simply explain that to Petunia though, and make her suddenly become un-jealous. Petunia would always be jealous. The least Lily could do was give her a reason to be. And what better time to talk to her than when she was with her friends and couldn't ignore her? It was then or never. Lily quickly formulated a plan in her head. It wasn't just Petunia who would be mean to her. All of her friends would have no problem bullying her as well. She had to be strong and witty. As many conversation starters as possible would also be helpful. Knowing that the girls would be likely to comment on her appearance, she pulled on her favorite pair of jeans, and a white long sleeved shirt. On top of that, she put on Hestia's Gryffindor sweater that she had borrowed and forgotten to give back, her Gryffindor scarf, and a pair of lace up winter boots that she wore at Hogwarts to stay warm when she had to go outside for class. Taking a final deep breath, she opened her door and walked out into the hall and down the stairs, into what was practically her worst nightmare.

The girls were spaced out around the living room. Yvonne sat with a straight back in Lily's favorite armchair, while Petunia slouched in the other one. Amelia, Charlene and Sophie were all squeezed on to the couch, and Ruth was lying on the floor, the jacket of her blue track suit open and revealing that she was only wearing a white sports bra underneath. Her running shoes were wet and muddy, but other than that, she showed no sign that she had just come from a run. Petunia was glancing uneasily at her shoes on the carpet, and Lily fought back a sarcastic smirk.

Before making her presence known, Lily stopped to listen to their conversation. It was all meaningless gossip.

"Oh girls! Did you hear? About Felicity Woodsworth?" asked Sophie.

"No! What happened?" Charlene was dying to know.

"Well," Sophie started, relishing the spot light. "I heard that at Ian Ivey's Christmas party, she spiked the punch, and then she got super drunk and flashed Martin!"

"Oh my god!" exclaimed Charlene exclaimed.

"Yeah! I Never would have picked her as that type." Petunia thought out loud.

"It was bound to happen." Ruth disagreed. "She's always been rather ditzy, hasn't she?"

"And quite stupid to be honest." Yvonne added. "I remember one time, in third year Geography back in primary school, she was asked to find England on the map and she couldn't!"

"That is rather bad. Even 8 year olds should know where they live…" Petunia agreed.

"Nah, her daddy's rich. She had people to take her where she needs to be." Amelia came up with a possible explanation. The girls laughed.

"I heard that she was going off to some really exclusive boarding school next year." Sophie shared.

"Boarding school is where filthy rich parents send their filthy rich brats so that they can be supervised by someone else all year." Ruth rolled her eyes.

Lily decided then would be a good time to make an entrance. "Actually, not everyone at boarding school is filthy rich. Lots of people at my school are, yes, but that's because their parents made their fortune using the first class education they got at school."

"Oh, it's you." Yvonne said tonelessly. Petunia was sending her death glares.

"And then after their parents made a fortune, they sent their bratty children off to school so they wouldn't be bothered all year." Ruth finished Lily's statement for her.

"Not true." Lily countered. "My school accepts very few students every year, and you can only join first year, or transfer from a similar school in a different country. The students they accept are mostly children of former students. Very few, like me, are sought out by a nationwide search and given a full scholarship. We are chosen because we are especially skilled, and we go to get a very specific education suited to our superior intellects, not because our parents don't want us."

"Lily, go away." Petunia groaned. "We don't want you here!"

"I think I'll stay thanks." Lily replied, unfazed. "You girls are rather loud, and I can't seem to concentrate on my homework. I've got nothing else to do."

"You have homework?" Yvonne sneered. "_We _never get homework over holidays!"

"We're not really supposed to either, but the teachers all found ways around it." Lily explained. "They have the assignment due a few days after we get back, but it's not something you can do in a few days, or they didn't really assign anything, but there's something we need to read to understand class. Only my favorite Professor gave us the holiday off. I was just reading my—er—chemistry book. It's awful, but a first class education isn't exactly easy."

All the girls tried to look like they were paying no attention. Some of them probably were, but Lily could tell by the look in Petunia's eyes that she had heard every word. Her plan was working, and the beginnings of guilt were forming in her gut.

Petunia realized that Lily was done talking. "Well, don't you have any friends?"

That was a slap in the face to Lily. Petunia knew she had friends. But before Hogwarts, accidental magic had branded her the school freak, and she had been alone. The girls were laughing. She was getting mad, and that wasn't good. Clearing her head of all emotion, she prepared to answer.

"Actually, yes, I do. I have plenty of friends. I just got a letter from my best friend, Hestia, and I was going to write back later. But, if you're suggesting that I go visit them, I can't. Because I go to such a prestigious school, most of them live rather far away, and also, as we live together all year, their parents may want to see them."

"Well whatever." Petunia waved her hand as if banishing the idea that Lily Evans could have friends. "They're all nerds anyway."

Lily reminded herself to breath. They could insult her all they wanted, but no one insulted her friends. "They are _not _nerds." She stated forcefully.

"Well, who else would go to a school like that?" Yvonne asked, as if it were an obvious answer.

"Well, I never said students at my school were picked because we're above average intelligence." Lily was careful not to say her schools name. "Most of us are, but there are a few kids... Anyway, we're picked because we have a –uh—more powerful potential that needs to be taken care of." Petunia was warning her not to go any farther. "We're not nerds. We're your average mix of students but with one extra thing in common that brings us together."

"And what is that thing? Freakiness?" Amelia asked sarcastically.

Lily clenched her fists but continued on. "No, it's not freakiness. I—can't really explain it. But we're completely normal except for this one thing. We play pranks, we make fun of teachers behind their backs, we—"

"All dress like we're homeless." Sophie finished. The girls laughed collectively.

"No, actually, we have a uniform just like everyone else's. Skirts, sweaters, ties, all that. This is a school sweater, but not one we wear for school. It's Hestia's, but I borrowed it to wear to a—football game. It's a house spirit sweater. The scarf is mine. As you can probably tell, my house colors are red and gold for Gryffindor. Our mascot is the lion. See it's here on the sweater. We have lots of house spirit. We all wear the scarves most of the time, but some people have the red sweaters too."

The girls couldn't think of much else to say. Finally, Ruth came up with, "Those boots look pretty worn out. Did you get them from the Salvation Army?" The other girls pretended to laugh at Ruth's weak come back.

"No, they were new when I got them. I just wear them a lot. The teachers aren't all that strict with the uniform, so on days when we have classes outside the castle, like uh-Botany; I wear them to stay warm. After the first time I walked through the snow in my normal shoes, I learned. But I've worn them so much now, and they're so perfectly broken in that they feel like slippers."

"Wait, castle? And Botany?" Charlene just had to ask. The other girls glared at her.

"Yes castle. My is a castle." Lily had been hoping this point would come up. "It's hundreds of years old, and it's really quite beautiful. My house dormitory is actually up in one of the tallest towers. The view is amazing. And our dormitory is this circular room with tall windows between every bed. We all have our own window seat too. And even though the floor is stone, it's not cold because we bought all these rugs by mail order and covered the floor except around the fire place. It's the perfect place. Oh, and Botany is this class where we learn about all sorts of special plants and how to take care of them. It sounds boring, but it's really cool actually learning about the properties of each plant. The teacher even lets us take a few of the prettier ones and bring them to our room."

The girls were all silent for a moment. Then, "That's bull." Said Sophie.

"Any other amazing things you want to tell us about your school?" Ruth asked sarcastically.

The girls didn't believe her. That was ok. Petunia knew the truth about Hogwarts, so she knew what Lily was saying was true. That was all that mattered. But Petunia still needed to know more. Lily took Ruth's question literally.

"Yes, actually. There are lots of things. For one, I've never had better food anywhere. It's been 4 months, and I don't even know how much weight I've gained. I only know it's a lot. Every meal is amazing. Bacon, eggs, fried tomatoes, potatoes, oatmeal, you name it for breakfast. They have the best soup and stew at lunch, and the chicken sandwiches—don't even get me started. Dinner though, is even better. The shepherd's pie is my favorite food anywhere. The roast beef comes close though. And there are always carrots and peas and mashed potatoes with butter, and every kind of drink. And there are no words to describe the dessert. Strawberries and cream, cake, ice cream, pudding, cookies. Sometimes, me and my friends take stashes and store them up in our room to eat whenever. Im surprised—"

"Ew you'll get rats!" Charlene interrupted. Lily kept talking.

"There are no rats at my school. I'm surprised I'm not 20 stone by now! Then the teachers! Even if they give homework over holidays, they're the best staff anywhere, I'm sure of it! They really care about the subject they teach, and about you. Most of them teach things in cool funny ways so you don't even realize what you're learning. I can actually call some of them my friends. They stop to talk to you even when they're not teaching you, just passing in the halls. We have nice conversations about the house cup, or upcoming events. Just about anything. I can't imagine ever going back to the teachers at your school, who teach because it's the only thing they could get a job doing. Professors at my school are well qualified and actually want to be there. They even let you get away with some stuff. Yeah, they're pretty strict, and trouble makers are always found in detention, there are these four boys in my year that play the funniest pranks all the time and they're not in detention nearly as much as they should be. One time, they did something to our rival houses showers so when they tried to shower, they all got covered in green goo! The four of them are actually incredibly smart though. They're my competition for top of the class. But they apply themselves in all the wrong ways. But the grounds! There's a forest and a lake with a little beach, and all sorts of shade trees to sit under with friends and the—"

"Ok Lily. Enough talking now." Sophie stopped her little speech. Lily knew she had been going on for a long time, and the girls were bound to stop her. But she wanted to get as much in as possible. She was actually surprised she hadn't been stopped before then."

"The picture I'm getting of this school is that it's a school, in a castle, for amazing children who are there to improve their skills, not because their parents don't want them where the food is better than a five star restaurant, the teachers are your best friends, you take super cool classes, you're best friends with everybody, you can play all the pranks you want, and life is perfect."

"Well…" Lily started. "The teachers are good friends, not best friends, and there are definitely a few people I don't like."

"That is way too good to be real." Yvonne refused to believe it.

"I bet there are unicorns in the forest too, and mermaids in the lake." Amelia deadpanned.

Lily didn't know what to say to that.

"Yeah, this can't be real." Charlene agreed with the other girls. "If there was a school that good, why wouldn't everyone go?"

"Well, it's kept rather quiet for just this reason. Only very few people can go, so it's best that the others who can't don't know about it." Lily told them.

"I could believe that you went to a nice boarding school if your parents were sending you to get rid of you. But if life is so much better there, why didn't they send Petunia too?" Ruth asked a mildly intelligent question.

"This is a school that accepts about twenty people without family connections each year, from the whole country. The odds of being chosen are rather slim. I was chosen, but Petunia was not. And once your first year has passed, you will never be chosen."

Even as that was coming out, Lily knew that was a little bit too harsh. She had played right on Petunia's biggest weakness, what had made her cry herself to sleep last summer (which Lily wasn't supposed to hear). The look in Petunias eyes, a mixture between extreme anger, sadness, and painful jealousy was heart wrenching to Lily. Even if Petunia was the bane of her existence most of the time, they were sisters and killing her inside was killing Lily as well.

Petunia opened her mouth, but Lily beat her to it. "Oh! I just remembered what I was going to write to Hestia!" Without saying goodbye, she ran out of the room and up the stairs. She normally wasn't one to run from tough situations, but for once, it was probably better to leave.

Back in her room, Lily flopped down on the bed. Petunia clearly had no problem hurting her. Why did she have a problem hurting Petunia? She sighed. She should have never sunken down to her sister's level. This would just cause Petunia to be even nastier to her once her friends left. She had felt fine while she was telling the girls all about Hogwarts, but that was because talking about Hogwarts allowed her mind to be back in Hogwarts while she couldn't be. It was almost as good as being there, and she was terribly homesick. So of course it felt good. However, she would be returning in thirteen days, and while that felt like an eternity, at least it would happen. Petunia could never ever go to Hogwarts, and Lily telling her all about it was the worst kind of teasing there was. It was like allowing her to have a little sip of the best drink on earth (which in Lily's mind was pumpkin juice), and then telling her she could never have any more. She had gotten just enough to know how amazing it was, but not enough to have a full taste. That was just plain cruel.

Lily could still hear the girls talking downstairs. She couldn't make out the whole thing, but just enough to know that they were discussing what a liar she was. And poor Petunia had to sit through it all, knowing that every word Lily had said was the truth. Lily already knew how it was going to go. Petunia wouldn't talk to her for the rest of the day, and maybe not even for the next day either. And when she did talk, it would be to call her a freak, or make snide remarks about how abnormal she was. Then, at night, Lily wouldn't be able to help but hear Petunia sobbing into her pillow through the wall they shared. That part hurt her more than anything Petunia could say to her. She would almost say it hurt her as much as Lily's very presence hurt Petunia, but Lily knew that wasn't true. Lily could go back to Hogwarts, and escape her sister and her problems. But Petunia couldn't escape. The horrible jealousy was with her every moment of every day. She had everything, except the one thing she wanted more than anything, which was the one thing she could never have. Lily, on the other hand, had everything. There was nothing she wanted that she couldn't have. Lily could live with all of Petunia's nasty remarks. They were nothing compared to what Petunia was going through, and would go through until she could accept herself, which could possibly be never.

Maybe Hestia didn't know quite as much about Petunia as she claimed to. Maybe this was something that only the cause of the problem could understand. She would never tell Hestia that, of course, but maybe Petunia and her problem was something she should handle by herself from now on. Taking out a pen and paper as all her parchment was still at school, she began her letter back to Hestia. There was a lot she had to tell her, but at the same time, there was just as much she could never tell.

**Thank you sooooooooo much for reading! Reviews are hugely appreciated!**

**~Kipler**


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